Akin To Failure
by sesshy-stalker-kendra
Summary: Atsui Mizu has had it rough trying to work as a PA to the heads of various, thriving companies, first with Tsunade, then with Jiraiya, all which ended badly. Having gotten a job offer from Oto Corp, will she find her dream job? Or her temporary nightmare?


Disclaimer: I don't anyone but Atsui and Ruki. Yun Bai and Satomi belong to my co-hort, Nemo.

Disclaimer Part II: This idea was inspired by Ada Kensington's A Day In The Life fanfic as well as FFVII:AC, Before Crisis, Last Order and too many ShinRa fanfics. Don't ask why. Spankies Ada, you are fucking epic.

~Kendra

December 3rd Alliteration Annoys Angsty Atsui

On one side one obviously overly opiate Orochimaru ostended over-flowingly-o..o.. Fuck this. Tsunade was wrong about alliteration. It doesn't distract the brain it sends the brain racing for the best web-based thesaurus to translate what is needed into the correctly lettered words…And considering Jiraiya suggested that I use the letter O…

Bastard.

Simple, straight, to the point, yes? If I am going to have a f**king blog, I may as well make the most of it I suppose. Where to start…First off, gotta get it out there, Saitae and Inoku were DEAD wrong about Konoha. The worst place to work, PFFT. More like Otogakure is the worst place to work. The place is teaming with oddballs, over-achievers, skirt chasers, and boss's-who-get-decide-to-fuck-with-the-newcomer-'ers…type people…

Good fucking gravy train, my mind is all over the place on this one.

Really.

I am about to call all of this shit quits. Four months ago I was working for Jiraiya of Konoha, at the suggestion of my sister Narita. She apparently worked for that bucket of perversion and all went well with her….That is probably because she isn't exactly a looker. Let's just say that my short stint at Ichi Ichi Publishing ended with sexual assault charges being pressed, then dropped, followed by a nice fat compensation, albeit SUCK UP check from the Sennin himself. Though the majority of that damn check went to feed Satomi's DDR fetish. Oi. But I got myself a few well earned things, like a plane ticket to Otogakure and my new job as PA to the PA of the head Oto Corp.

Ah bliss…

But I told my self that I would NOT go through that again, EVER. That I must choose my next job carefully.

Little did I know that Oto Corp., was going to make Mr. Wandering Hands Jiraiya, look like a misdemeanor.

Motherfuckin' spac-freakin'-tacular.

December 4th-First Day

I think I must have hit my head on the wall when I tumbled into bed last night…My alarm screamed at 5am, work started at 6:15am. I woke fully at 5:50am, I was dressed and had hair brushed by 5:53am, was out the door by 5:58 and physically sat at my desk by 6:14am.

Damn.

I am SOOOO good.

Well..okay not really. That pain in the ass, Karin came by my cubicle at 6:16, to let me know that I was expected up to the Boss' office at 6am. Mother pus bucket…I gathered myself and headed upstairs. Sweet, I was gonna get fired 5 seconds into my job. At least this one wouldn't end with molestation.

Oh was I so very wrong.

OH…So very…VERY fucking WRONG.

Upon entering Boss' office, I was greeted by a smarmy, be speckled git named Kabuto Yakushi, who is apparently Boss' PA. I can already tell that we are going to have some severe issues here. On top of it all, as aforementioned, I have to work for Kabuto. I'd rather suck a fuckin' egg.

Back to the wrong-ness…

Due to the fact that I had been caught up exchanging pleasantries with Kabuto as well as going though various obscenities that I could throw at him in the near future in head, I hadn't noticed that Boss was not present. Shit, had he left?

"Where's the Boss, Yakushi-san?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head, eyes darting back and forth, suspecting a trap, a prank on the newest team member. Pushing his glasses up along his nose, Kabuto gave me a suspiciously nice smile.

"He had a pertinent meeting at 6:15 that couldn't be staved off. He gave me explicit instructions to keep you here until he gets back. I'd suggest that you take a seat."

DAMNIT.

I sat down sullenly, my Samsung PDA out. I texted Satomi through Gaara, while Kabuto sat in a plush armchair adjacent to mine, looking through his bitchin' Blackberry Storm. Lucky bastard.

Me: I am in such deep shit here Sato. I MISSED the meeting with my Boss. So very uber-tastically buggered.

While I awaited Satomi's reply, granted Gaara was near her, I secretly pulled out my DS to occupy myself with Personal Trainer: Cooking Edition. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am actually learning how to cook on this thing. It has saved me from back-to back nights full of ramen and Campbell's (which is not fit for human consumption). Granted I was unable to cook at the moment, I have an incredible knack for keeping everything I see and learn in my mind. It is nearly impossible for me to forget something. Halfway through learning how to make an Australian Meat Pie, my PDA tinkled at me.

Satomi: Ouch. Are you fired yet?

Thanks Satomi, thinking positive as per usual.

Me: Not that I am aware of. The Boss had another meeting to attend, so now I'm sitting here with my sub-Boss, waiting for him to show up and flog me for being late.

Satomi: O_O You are so dead meat.

Ah, she is good for the soul that one, truly. I replaced my PDA into my jacket pocket and reached for my DS when I discovered too late that it had been moved. Quickly I looked to Kabuto, though not wanting to come off as accusatory, I kept my face neutral.

"Yakushi-san, have you seen my DS?"

Kabuto smiled that sneaky as sin smile once more and pointed in the direction that lay behind me. Slowly I turned to find Boss, Orochimaru standing behind me, peering intently into the screen of my black DS, tapping the buttons accordingly. I felt a wave of 'Ho shit' sweep over me as his gold-yellow eyes looked at me, a hint of amusement in them.

"Sorry to keep you waiting…I hope I wasn't…_late_." He said handing the DS back to me, which I swiftly shut off and secreted back into the inside pocket of my jacket. I winced at his comment.

"N-Not at all, Orochimaru-san. Forgive me my lateness, I…I hadn't known that the meeting was changed to 6am." I muttered, looking at my hands.

He made his way to his desk, sitting in his chair, he answered, "Come again?" I sighed a bit.

"I said forgive me my lateness. I wasn't aware of the time change."

"There was no time change, Mizu-san. The email that was sent you yesterday morning explicit stated the meeting as being 6am." He rebuked me with a calm cocked stare.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Kabuto smiling into the screen of his BBS, like his little prank had gone perfectly.

But, it was about to fall to shambles. Drawing out my electronic friend, I accessed my emails and got up, placing the little handy gadget onto Boss' desk. I pointed at the aforementioned email with my stylus. "It says 6:30, Orochimaru-san." I argued softly. Now, usually I don't correct people with minor things, if its minor for the love of hell let it go, but…I was being told that I should have known something that I was unaware of. That, I could not stand. He stared at it, taking the stylus from my hand, to tap and read the email. A moment passed and there was silence from the three of us. Then he put the inkless pen down and laced his fingers together thoughtfully. "I see…Kabuto…did you type this letter incorrectly?"

Acting ever the sweet PA that he "is", Kabuto went behind Boss and looked at the pda's screen. "Oh. It seems that I did." He replied nonchalantly. I wanted to plant one on him. Apparently sensing my intent, the blonde-headed bodyguard of Kabuto's Deidara morphed from the shadows and looked at me. "Hey there sweet cheeks, I wouldn't make an attack on him, I'd hate to have to hurt ya." Nervously I eyed the guy, before it dawned on me, having seen is red cloud jacket. Fuck. The ever infamous security division, the Akatsuki. Security my ass, security shouldn't consist of grade A class batshit insane individuals who can manufacture bombs at a moment's notice, consume other human beings, and worship some sadistic olden tyme god called Jashin, among other equally nasty things.

Hearing him speak Orochimaru looked up at him and I. "Deidara, this is Kabuto's new PA, she means no harm." Pfft. So very wrong there Sir. I meant MUCHO harm to that four-eyed dick.

And as a special thank you, for making me look bad infront of my new boss…I'm decided I was going to construct the best "Fucker-I-Hate-Working-For-You-Already" present I could withstand making with dying of mirth.

But first things first…

I had to get Deidara to bugger off for…well quite possibly several hours…

As well as the bloke who guarded Boss, Itachi Uchiha…

And for that…I had to enlist Satomi and Ruki.

Ruki, the Head of Oto Corp Security.

And,

Satomi, the world's cutest, most 'innocent' nin known to man.

Man alive…I had no idea how much backfire I was going to play victim to for this. If I had known before…MAYBE I wouldn't be in this horrid mess…

It was worth it…Sort of.

Yay for chapter one! Ultimate kudos to Ada for being my inspiration for this. Constructive crit is welcome!! Enjoy people!

--Kendra


End file.
